Darine: Welcome to STANDOUT From The Crowd.
I'm Darine, and if you are anything like me, you have probably been through a few unexpected twists on your journey.
My plan “A” was to be a diplomat, but life had other plans, leading me to become an impact entrepreneur and champion for women's leadership. Sometimes life has a funny way of throwing us curveballs, right?
I have always wondered, why fit in when you were born to STANDOUT?
In this podcast, I sit down with remarkable women leaders who have embraced their unique path, defied expectations, and created lasting impact. We dive into their stories, explore their mindset, their resilience, and the strategies that help them succeed even when life throws stones in their path.
Whether it's insights on personal growth, strategies to amplify your visibility, or tips to boost your well-being and overall productivity, you will find the inspiration you need to unlock your full potential.
Join me every other Wednesday for conversations that will empower you to stand out in your career, in your life, and in everything that you do. Because listen, here, we don't just follow the crowd. We STANDOUT.
This is the last episode of our miniseries, “Redefining Having It All”.
In previous episodes, we covered the superwoman syndrome, the badge of honor behind the burnout, and also how to redefine success on your own terms – you know, letting go of all the metrics and finding new ways to measure your success according to your own values.
And today's episode is the next natural step: How to live fully and still set boundaries, which is easier said than done.
We hear people say "set boundaries," but how do we do that?
And how do we ensure that we set boundaries to ensure that what we do is fully aligned with who we are, but that in the meantime, we don't minimize ourselves? We remain the ambitious woman, the high achievers, and we achieve the success and the impact we were meant to achieve.
And so today, I'm super excited because I'm joined by someone whose leadership journey is such a powerful story, such an inspiration, such an example of what it means to lead with purpose, alignment, and courage.
And so help me welcome Nataisha Revoy, to the podcast.
Hello, Nataisha. How are you doing?
Nataisha: Hello. I'm excited to be here.
I'm very grateful to be on this podcast with you, talking all about boundaries and authenticity and purpose. That is, you know, how we really bring our true selves into the world.
So thank you for having me.
Darine: And I'm so excited about sharing your stories because in your career, you didn't pivot once. You didn't pivot twice. You did it three times. You decided to let go of a career that no longer was fulfilling without even knowing what would be your next step. And I know that for a lot of people, and especially for us women, it's hard to leave a successful career, a comfortable situation, even if we feel misaligned, simply because we don't know what's next. And what if leaving that comfortable or successful career behind was a mistake? Right? We never know. But you did it, not twice, but three times. You have reinvented yourself so many times. So what gave you the strength, you know, to make such a decision?
Nataisha: The first time I actually made the pivot, I really didn't have a choice, if I'm being honest. I was in human resources at a television station that I love dearly, CFMT, Omni Television. And I loved the people. I loved what I did. But I had just had my second child, and my childcare fell through. And so I tried everything I could, but couldn't find someone, so I had to stay home with her, not having any idea of what I would do next, but just knew that I needed to be with my daughter. And that taught me, you know, that I have resilience and I could pivot.
From there, I stayed home with my kids for a couple of years. I was really curious about how they learn, and so I did a Bachelor of Education, which led me to a career in teaching. So I learned along the way because my first pivot actually was in university. I was supposed to become a doctor, but decided I didn't like labs. So I started doing a lot on campus, ended up, you know, recruiting for the radio station and all sorts of things. And so that's where I found human resources. After university, I went and did a certificate in HR, and that was my first pivot. That taught me that you know what you want, create a plan to get it, work the plan, and you get it.
And so when I had to pivot for my kids, I knew I had that skill set that I could rely on, but I really had no idea what I would do after. When it was time for teaching, I pulled out that whole skill set of, "Okay, what's my plan? Work the plan" to get a job in teaching, and it worked. I got a job in teaching, and loved it. I was a kindergarten teacher for a number of years. Loved that. But I just felt something was missing. And so I was like, you know what? This does not feel in alignment with me and what it is that I want to do in the world. And so I did a lot of soul searching, and I went back to all of those jobs that I did and all of the things that I really felt I made an impact in the world with people. And that brought me to coaching, which I didn't know existed at the time.
So I found coaching, realized that there were some certifications that I could do, which again, would take time and money. But I did it. I had this drive. I had this yearning and this just belief that there's something bigger and better out there. And so I did it. I coached while I was a teacher. And then when COVID hit, I decided the world needed support because the stress level was just so great. And I gave up teaching, which in Canada is a really great career. But I gave it up because I knew that there were people in the world that needed support. So I did it again, and here I am, have a business that's through blessings, very, you know, doing well and meeting wonderful people like you. But it took a lot of work, courage, and a learning mindset, I would say. You know, knowing that you have to sort of kind of go in there, feel the fears of it all, learn through it, and, you know, gain skills and courage along the way, which would make you a better human and better able to serve.
Darine: And you said it, you learn along the way. And I believe one of the main reasons that is holding a lot of people back is that this thing you have to figure everything out before you take your next step. I can recognize a lot of myself, I should say, when I listen to you because, you know, I make the decision, and I trust myself enough to know that I will figure it out. I will figure it out. I will find a way. I will learn my way out, but I will find a solution. But, you know, I believe it takes some level of clarity, self-confidence, and inner work in order to believe yourself that you can do it. You can figure it out. And what I like about your approach is that you identify the situation that was no longer fulfilling. And you were like, "Okay, this is enough. I'll stop here, and then I will figure it out."
And what would be one piece of advice that you would like to give women who feel like they are on the verge of quitting, of leaving, but they are scared of the unknown?
Nataisha: The unknown really is your pathway to your deepest learning, probably. You know, we've been socialized to become experts, and our expertise is what we rely on to sort of fuel our success. That's how we are trained when we go to school, right? You need to know this really well to be successful. It's how people are treated in the workplace. You have to work at an expert level to get that promotion, right? And that's how we really promote people. So we are socialized to want to become experts, right? But our world today requires agility. So we're at odds our past socialization is at odds with what our world needs currently. Our kids, we will have to learn how to reinvent ourselves even in the jobs we're doing, based on the technology that's coming into the workplace. And so one of your superpowers is being comfortable in that unknown learning space and trusting yourself that you can do it. You've done it once before, you can do it. You engage in that learning so that you can do more, so that you can serve more, support more, and be more.
If you do feel that inkling within yourself that I'm not in alignment or I'm not working where I need to be, or, you know, working in my purpose, then don't shut it down. Just sort of explore, right? Just think a little bit about what it is you're doing, what's fulfilling, what's draining for you, right? So do a little bit of self-reflection to kind of get closer. I'm not saying you have to quit, but, you know, let that be the start of your self-reflection around, "Am I in the right place, or is there change needed?" right? So it starts with you just allowing yourself to have those thoughts, knowing that it's normal to have those thoughts, and engaging with yourself in that thought process of exploration of what it is that you desire. Because the truth is, once you're doing what your soul was made to do, then you're going to have success. You're going to come into the orbit of people that are in alignment and need you in the world, and that's what we were created for, I believe. So don't shut it down. Know that it's really our socialization. And if you want success, we have to kind of go beyond those feelings into exploration and have a bit of courage in taking a step, whatever step that is, forward.
Darine: You said it, like, you've got to trust yourself, and it requires a level of self-awareness. In your case, you decided to build a business that is aligned with your values, right? Not based on what society is expecting of you, maybe not based on what your family was expecting of you, but what your values are and what you should be expecting of yourself. And this is something that we don't teach us, that personally, I didn't know that no one talked about even growing up, you know, that, "Okay, society, we know what society is expecting from us. We know what the family members are expecting from us. But what should we be expecting from ourselves?" Right? So how did you identify your values, knowing that, okay, by aligning your offer and services, your career, let's say, to those values will make you successful and grow in a way that is meaningful to you?
Nataisha: The short answer is I received coaching.
Darine: Oh, okay.
Nataisha: So when I decided to become a coach, I had to go through coach certification. And part of that certification is we coach each other, and so I had a coach myself, as well as I was a coach for someone else. And it's through my coach training program, as well as the coaching sessions that I underwent, I understood my values. I understood the inner thoughts that I had at the time that was holding me back, and I was able to reframe my thinking, create new mindsets to support this shift that I wanted to step into. With a shift like this, you do need a mindset change. And mindset change, it's not as scary or unachievable as you may think. There are specific plans and processes that we undergo in coaching to get shifts in how you need to think about yourself, your ability to succeed, what is success for you, all of those things you can undergo within coaching.
And so I went through those shifts myself in coaching, as well as I identified my values. And after I came out of that program, I knew in my heart that I could create a business anchored in my values, serving people that I care about and want to support. That's people-centered leaders, people who care about people, but are leaders in the world, and who want to achieve success, and who want to have promotions and make good money and all of those things, but care about people at a foundational level. And I chose to serve those people in doing exactly that by using my values of kindness, trust, respect, and now, courage and curiosity. So it was an intentional choice along the way, and I had to learn everything that it takes to make a business. I had to learn marketing. I had to learn how to speak to those people clearly and who I am so that I attract the people that I do want to serve, and that's what I do. And so it's not easy, but it's very possible. It takes your commitment and your faith in knowing that you can do it. You just have to choose what it is you want.
You have two choices. You continue on the treadmill of life doing what the world tells you to do, doing what your job expects of you. That's a viable choice. But you have another choice where you decide, and it could be the exact same thing you're doing now, but knowing that it's in alignment with who you are and what it is you want to bring about in the world, it gives you such a sense of fulfillment. It also supports your well-being. Once you tie your purpose, your values, who you are to what you're doing currently, it brings the feeling of suffering down. Suffering through the long nights or suffering through those conversations, right? It brings that down, and it supports our health and well-being as well. So even if you figure out through awareness work that, "Oh my goodness, I'm doing exactly what I want in the exact place I want," it's still worth doing the self-reflection because at least you'll know. At least you'll know you're doing exactly what you want to do, and you chose it. It's priceless.
Darine: In your pre-interview questionnaire, you said, "Boundaries are not about disconnecting. They are about clarity." And I love that because sometimes we feel hesitant setting boundaries because we don't want to look unapproachable or rude, or you know, especially for the individuals who like to please people, who like to be servants. But it's still important to be able to set the boundaries that are healthy for you. And I like the way that you are reframing boundaries as clarity. And so what's one boundary you have had to set in your leadership journey, in your career journey, that felt uncomfortable but necessary?
Nataisha: I think it's a boundary with respect to who has access to my time, and being really purposeful in what it is that I want to accomplish and how to get there by creating those boundaries around whether it be tasks that I'm putting in my day or conversations that I'm having. I'm probably the biggest people-pleaser you're going to find on the planet, as well as, yeah, I'm a servant leader. I'm here to serve humans. But what I learned is, for me to do that, I need to ensure that I have enough energy. It's not just about managing our time. It's also about managing our energy. And by managing my energy, I'm able to serve more, actually.
And so I'm able to sort of, again, using my values as a lens through which I communicate those values, but also understanding when something is in alignment or not, I'm able to have those boundaries, right? So whether it be, "Can you engage in this sort of offering? Is that a yes or a no?" It depends on what it is, when it is, who's involved. "Am I serving the people that I want to be serving with that?" And being able to say yes or no. "I probably could do it, but should I do it?" Right? And so things like that, right? As well as boundaries in our personal life. You know, understanding that it's okay to have boundaries in both realms, and that it's a choice that you're making to show up either for yourself or for others in a fuller way. And so it's carving out intentional choices in every aspect.
Darine: It does make a lot of sense, and it actually reminds me of a conversation I just had yesterday with one of my collaborators where I identified an opportunity to bid for a contract as a consultant. And the passion, the drive in me was like, "Okay, yes, I can apply. I can do this. I can bid for the contract." So I talked to my collaborator. We had a conversation. And then I'm like, you know, I need to be rational about the decision that I'm making and about the work that I decide to take on, especially now that I have a new addition to the family. And I was like, "No, I should not do it. I shouldn't bid for this contract. I shouldn't take on this opportunity because there will be too much on my plate." And, you know, even though the work itself is fully aligned with my values and what I do and what I'm passionate about, then I was able to take a step back and to think about, "Okay, is it reasonable? Is that something that I should do or should not do?" Not "Can I do it?" but "Should I do it?" And I think when you bring that perspective to your inner thought, the conversation you have within yourself, with yourself, it makes a big difference, and it helps a lot in making the right decision, with ensuring that you are not overloading yourself.
Also, I believe as a servant leader, it's important to make the distinction between being a servant leader and being a people-pleaser.
Nataisha: Yes.
Darine: And I believe this is where there is a gap that needs to be filled. So for the woman who feels uncomfortable saying no or guilty saying no, how can they begin to reframe that guilt into something that is more empowering?
Nataisha: That's a really good question. At the root of it, people-pleasing, that tendency, is an inner need for your validation. So it's not as gifted as you may think. So you're doing things in the hope that people see you as… they see you as a good person, see you as capable, see you as needed, whatever that need is. So it's not a free-flowing gift of service or love or whatever it is you're doing. So that's the root of people-pleasing.
When we show up in alignment with who we are and with intentional choice in how we want to serve, we can then give freely. And so the energy within which the giving is received and given is one of purity, and that's where the growth energy lives. So the person receiving your service is going to receive it and feel that love that's coming with it, as well as when you're giving it, you're giving it and you're actually filling your cup by giving. People-pleasing energy is when you give it and it feels like a burden, or it feels frustrating, or there's an underlying, "Oh, I should," right? There's an underlying thing. You're feeling it, but that person's also receiving it with that. They're going to be receiving it feeling either guilt or frustration or some energy, and they're not going to know why. But that's the difference between people-pleasing and sort of really just choosing to show up for that individual and give of yourself, whether it be time, money, attention, whatever it is you're giving, but freely, right?
And so that, again, is inner work. You know, we receive success in our lives based on how we interact with others and what we do. And so those messages were built as we were growing up. And it's again, starting with clarity and awareness on, "Well, why am I giving? Is it freely, or is it to receive something back?" right? And so that, I think, is your first step in knowing that you can release the people-pleasing because it's not as freely given as you think it is.
Darine: Yeah. It is. And it's true that it's a matter of energy. Your energy that you pour out when you want to please people versus the energy that you pour out and you receive when you serve people, and it's a big difference. I had never thought of it from a perspective of energy, so I really appreciate your perspective on this.
Nataisha: No problem. Yeah. I talk about energy all the time. Energy is that, you know, essence of which everything happens, and it's either growth-oriented energy, fulfilling, right, the good energy that we know about, or it's depleting, diminishing, and sort of not supportive energy.
Darine: From your extensive experience now, through your own personal experience, but also the leaders that you are coaching, are there common early signs that what we are doing is no longer aligned with who we are?
Nataisha: Yeah. I mean, the stress levels are high, regardless of purpose right now, just based on the world that we live in and the marketplace. The tech advancements ensure that we are always on, always accessible, and there's this instant access that everyone's under. So there is a sort of low-grade, not even low-grade, there is a stress level that everyone's sort of experiencing. And so when we're not doing any of that in alignment or awareness with who we are and what matters to us, what type of leader we are, it takes that stress level even higher. And so people that are under a lot of stress and really aren't breathing and they sort of don't know what their next steps are, that's a moment for you to think, "Okay, maybe I need a pause to think about how am I going to meet this moment in our evolution of the world of work?"
This feels like one of those foundational moments where, you know, it takes awareness of, "Okay, who am I? How do I show up here?" So I think it used to be, "I don't feel fulfilled," you know, "this job, I don't like it so much," right? Those were the clues that maybe it's not in alignment. But nowadays, I would say, we all sort of need to pause and think, "Who am I, what's my purpose, and how do I meet the world of work?" So it's a time for everybody to sort of go on that journey because that understanding of who you are and how am I going to meet this place that we are in right now is going to be required for you to sustain the levels of engagement, the levels of connection, the level of safety that you need to create with your team to support yourselves and each other through the workplaces that we exist in. So I believe it's a foundational piece of leadership training: understanding who you are, your values, your strengths, your purpose, your leadership style, your communication style, your personality—all those things are needed so that you have that foundational piece in place, and then you can stretch from there if needed.
Darine: I think it is very important to have this foundation and to have a strong foundation. My own story, I climbed the ladder, built an international career without having this foundation. And as a result, I got lost in seizing all opportunities that would come my way because I thought that this is what I had to do in order to be successful and to reach the level of career I was aiming for. I have always been a high achiever. And as high achievers, we are confident in our capacity to achieve and succeed, but we are not so much aware of the cost. That's why, when I talk about redefining 'having it all,' talking about the superwoman syndrome, talking about the badge of honor, the burnout as a badge of honor, "Oh, I'm burning out, but, you know, I have achieved this and this and that," this is so unhealthy. And, like, and I went through it all. All the mistakes that a leader can make, I made them. But because I didn't have this foundational base, a strong foundational base, a strong self-awareness of what I should do, what I should not do, and where my boundaries, where my limits were, to still protect myself from success, from the high-achieving woman, and from the expectation, my own expectation and society, the workplace expectations, right?
Nataisha: Yeah. Yeah.
Darine: And, you know, that was, as you sort of went through your career path, and so you got that awareness through time, which is brilliant. And you had the awareness to create those changes, which took courage. So, you know, thankfully, you were able to do that so that you can bring these types of conversations to others who need to hear it. But I have lost it. I had to go through two burnouts. So don't go that long. I do not recommend it, but this is how stubborn I was, right? One burnout wasn't enough. I was like, "Okay, you know what? This happened to me. It's okay. I can get back on track, and I can be a high achiever, and I can continue, you know, following the same pattern." So I didn't learn lessons the first time. The second time, I was like, my body, it's not even a mindset, it was my body. It was like, "Enough is enough. This is no longer what you are going to do. This is no longer how you are going to work because you cannot sustain it." And, you know, once I found myself in the ER and everything that followed up that burnout, I was like, "Wow." So I was in my mind, I was like, "I can do it." I had all the signs. We talked about the earliest signs. I had them, but I decided to ignore them. And that's another thing, right? It was like, "Mm-mm. Enough is enough." And so it was hard to go through those moments, but it was an opportunity for me to reset. And as you said, build those foundations to what my life and my success should be.
Nataisha: Yes. Yeah. People don't realize that burnout is like your body physically shuts down. And with each episode of it, you go deeper, and it's so much harder to get out. But your brain, because high-achieving people support your success, your brain wants you to keep doing it because that's what it knows as safety for it. And so it takes, again, awareness and then intentional choice and change to change that mindset around, "Well, what does success need to look like now?" Yes, working in that way got me success at some point, but what mindset change do I need now to support myself in the world that I exist in now? So I'm really sorry that you went through that twice. But, you know, thank you for the courage in sharing with us. That's a lot. That's huge. Good for you.
Darine: Thank you. And, you know, after my second burnout, actually, I had a baby. So I got pregnant and I had a baby. So it was a full reset for me.
Nataisha: That is a full reset. It's two degrees.
Darine: A question that I like to ask all my guests on this podcast is, what would you like to be remembered for? A lot of the work that we do is about building a legacy, right? Making an impact in people's lives and building a legacy. So what would you like to be remembered for?
Nataisha: I would like to be remembered for serving people in creating safety within their own bodies through nervous system regulation.
Darine: Wow. So that they can... to be clear.
Nataisha: Yes, it is. So that they can get the clarity to create the goals that they want and achieve that in their lives, right? So we are all sort of socialized to do what the world wants from us. And I would like to help people realize that we can start from within. But to do that, we need to first sort of regulate and create possibilities that matter to who we are and create plans and goals to achieve it. So if I were to say it in one statement: you can achieve whatever it is you desire.
Darine: And you would be the person, or one of the persons, helping people make that realization. I pray. And you are, you are already doing this, and it's beautiful. I think, you know, from this conversation, we are already coming to the end of it, and I think we could talk about this topic for hours, you don't have to shrink to be liked. You can be your full self and be appreciated by the right people and attract the right people in your life. And you don't have to burn out to be seen, right? You can be yourself and still be seen by the right people, the right people who will be attracted to your values, your energy, your vibe. And I believe that as women, we are allowed, and we should allow ourselves to take up space, right? And to create a space where we can expand our wings, but also rest in it.
And I feel there is, especially for us high achievers, there is this duality where if you create a space for you to expand, this is not a space where you can rest. And actually, that should be both. Yes. But both are necessary.
Nataisha: They are. One fuels the other. And that's really what I would love everyone to know is those periods of rest and reset are needed to fuel growth. So you can't have one without the other. So by just doing and constantly doing, you're not allowing your full capabilities to actually come to light. So it's coming to terms with what is your rest and reset sort of strategies, you know, tools that you have, people in your life that you can use, whether it be in a five minutes time that you have or, you know, a night or a weekend or longer, right?
We have resourced ourselves as energy. We only have finite energy, and we have finite time on this planet. And so we are used to sort of understanding based on time, how much scheduling time, but we don't think of our energy and how we're going to resource ourselves. So for every output, what's the input that you're going to put in? Right? And I tell my clients, when you think about energy, you drain energy in different ways, whether it be technology, people, or things that you do. And so understanding those drains for you is step one, but also understanding those energy-filling activities and people that you can engage in. And so you need to ensure that your schedule has both those energy-draining, obviously, but also those energy-filling activities and people so that you are resourcing yourself to show up in the world and do more. And you'll have more success, you'll have more connections, you'll have more joy, you'll have more peace. You'll have more health when you think in those terms. And you're the only one that can do that for you.
Darine: And I think this is the perfect way to end that episode. Thank you so much, Nataisha. That was a wonderful conversation. A lot of insights. I hope for those of you listening, you feel inspired by the conversation. And most importantly, you realize that it doesn't have to be overwhelming. It doesn't have to be this big, huge step. This is something that you can do little by little, every day, at your own pace. And if you are ready to take this reflection deeper, I have created a free resource just for you: The Standout Journal, a four-week journey to impact, legacy, and wellness, which is designed to help you define what success really means to you, reclaim your energy and focus, build habits aligned with who you are, and lead with clarity. So you get it complimentary when you sign up for the Standout Newsletter, and you get access to exclusive resources. So thank you so much, Nataisha, once again. For the people who would be interested in learning more about how you can help them, unleash their full potential and, you know, set boundaries as leaders, how can I contact you?
Nataisha: I'm on LinkedIn. You can check me out on LinkedIn, Nataisha Revoy, or my website, and there's a link to my booking page. You get a free discovery call if you book through the website. It's just nataisharevoycoaching.com, but there's an 'i' in Nataisha. So it's N-A-T-A-I-S-H-A R-E-V-O-Y C-O-A-C-H-I-N-G dot com. But I think you're going to have it available for them.
Darine: Exactly. All the information about Nataisha and her business and how she can help you will be available in the episode description. So thank you so much, Nataisha.
Nataisha: That's all for us. Thank you for having me. I appreciate being here.
Darine: If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and leave a review. Your feedback helps us to continue to grow and bring more valuable content.
Until next time. Bye.
